In a world gradually breaking free from societal constraints, there still exists some areas of exploration that continue to challenge traditional norms—the vibrant and evolving landscape of adult pleasure and intimacy when it comes to the use of adult toys.
As the cultural narrative shifts towards embracing diverse expressions of sexuality, the taboos surrounding sex toys are beginning to shatter, and more and more people are feeling liberated and empowered to embrace exploration and a better understanding of personal pleasure.
Within this revolution, the realm of BDSM toys stands out as a provocative and intriguing area of exploration, inviting individuals to embark on a journey of self-discovery and heightened sensuality in all its glory. From handcuffs to gags, these tools are no longer confined to the shadows but are stepping into the spotlight, encouraging a candid conversation about desires, boundaries, and the celebration of consensual exploration.
Welcome to the uncharted territories where curiosity meets consent and where the exploration of pleasure is as boundless as the human imagination. But first, let's challenge some age-old myths that may still lurk around.
By Venus Libido
Venus Libido is a qualified Sex Educator, Sex and relationships coach and training Clinical Sexologist and relationships therapist. For the last three years, Venus has been working in the field of sex education, sex toys and pleasure, endometriosis awareness and helping others when it comes to sexual wellness, intimacy, dating and relationship.
Demystifying sex toys
Myth #1 - Sex toys are just for single people.
NO! There is nothing shameful or weird about using a sex toy, whatever your relationship status may be. Toys can be an exciting and fun addition to singletons and those in relationships. It can make long-distance sex possible, open up new curiosities and fantasies and allow us to explore new kinds of sensations that are not possible with our bodies alone.
Myth #2 - If a vulva/vagina owner needs a toy to get off, they must be broken.
People with a vulva/vagina who have difficulty reaching orgasm are sexually normal, and there is no such thing as your body being 'broken'. Some people require extra stimulation beyond what fingers and mouths can provide, and in fact, 70-80% of those assigned female at birth need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.
It can take up to 20 minutes on average for a person with a vulva/vagina to reach climax, and if you're in a hurry, the vibrations from a toy help encourage blood flow to the genitals, increasing (not decreasing!) sensitivity.
Myth #3 - Adult toys make sexual intercourse feel less natural.
Most of us were taught many lies growing up, one of which is that "natural sex" only refers to one type of sexual experience. Most notably, penis-in-vagina sex and sex that ends with both parties climaxing at the same time, which in reality is very difficult to achieve.
We need to embrace that sex looks and feels different for everyone, especially when we live with sexual difficulties, disabilities and particular interests. We are very fortunate to live in a generation where we have access to tools that allow all of us to experience pleasure in some way or another, and for some, that includes a helping hand.
Myth #4 - If a woman owns a sex toy, she no longer needs a man and is not interested in maintaining a sexual relationship
Sex toys are not a substitute for human interaction; they are not a replacement but an enhancement.
Sex toys can be intimidating for many people because they have been taught from a young age that the most important thing about them when it comes to intimacy or pleasing another person is what is between their legs. Most people, and those with a penis in particular, can feel anxious about their role in sexual situations and the use of toys being something to replace them and, in turn, making them feel less than or inadequate. Yet toys can be just as significant when it comes to sex for those with a penis as they can for those with a vulva/vagina.
In fact, research shows that those who use sex toys are more sexually satisfied, and those who are in relationships where both partners celebrate the use of toys have healthier and more satisfying relationships.
Myth #5 - Sex toys can decrease sensitivity.
That is not true; your body adjusts to the sensations, like when you use a powerful power tool. You may notice your hand slightly tingling or numb for a few moments, but eventually, your hand returns to normal. Well, the same happens to your genitals. We are creatures of habit; you may become overly familiar with that sensation. Try using a different toy or stepping away from toys for a few days so your body can adjust to other sensations.
Myth #6 - VIBRATORS ARE ADDICTIVE
Unless you're calling in sick to stay home with your vibrator often enough to be at risk of losing your job, you're good to keep going. For something to be addictive, it needs to imply that it's bad or causing us some form of harm or that it has negative consequences on our lives.
In challenging these unhealthy myths surrounding the use of sex toys, we promote a more inclusive and informed perspective on sexual wellness. When we break free from these misconceptions, we not only encourage healthier dialogues around human sexuality but also allow ourselves to feel empowered by our own choices without shame or judgment. Sex toys are tools that can enhance pleasure, strengthen intimacy, and promote self-discovery and what a beautiful gift that is.
Let's explore BDSM toys & tools!
Exploring the world of BDSM can be an exhilarating and deeply fulfilling experience when approached with care, communication, and an understanding of the necessary tools and techniques.
This exploration of intimate, personal desires, fantasies and power dynamics requires a foundation built on trust, consent, and open communication between partners. Creating a safe and consensual space is paramount to ensure a positive and enjoyable experience. Investing in quality tools and equipment can help us safely and confidently explore what we like and don't like safely and confidently. But first, let's cover the fundamental principles of exploring BDSM safely.
Safe, Sane, and Consensual
The guiding principles of BDSM are "Safe, Sane, and Consensual". Communication and consent are paramount, and discussing boundaries and safe words before you begin is critical!
Rules:
- Take it slow
- Negotiate roles beforehand
- Have safe words
- Continuously check in/be aware of your partner's body language
- Understand the dangers (RACK)
- Know your own body and limits
- Research and be prepared
- Use the right tools in the right areas
- Always remember aftercare
VIDEO: Watch Venus' livestream!
Where to shop for BDSM toys/tools:
One of my favourite places to shop for BDSM products, in particular, is Whipple Tickle. Not only do they supply a vast range of products that have been carefully curated, but they also have something called their 'Kink Level'.
When browsing their products, you'll see them labelled into three levels: Beginner, Intermediate and Advanced for those seasoned in BDSM play. The Beginner level features beginner-friendly items, perfect for those dipping their toes into the world of BDSM. If you're ready to explore further, their Intermediate level offers a broader range of items that bring more intensity into the mix. For BDSM veterans, the Advanced level provides high-intensity bondage gear.
My top picks for beginners:
These kits typically include a variety of soft restraints, blindfolds, and other introductory tools designed to enhance sensory experiences and heighten intimacy. For first-time explorers, a beginner's bondage kit allows you to explore what you like, from sensory play with blindfolds, being restricted or dominating with cuffs and collars, and so much more!
Experiencing pain through the use of paddles and whips can initiate an endorphin rush that can induce a pleasurable euphoria. The bum, a commonly targeted area, harbours numerous sensitive nerves. For many individuals, engaging in impact play is appealing due to the power dynamics it suggests, whether as part of a consensual "punishment" dynamic or to enrich a roleplay scenario.
But impact play can carry some risks if you don't know what you're doing, so make sure you consider the following before exploring:
- Learn the Safe Places to Hit
- Start Gently and Work Your Way Up
- Avoid Rushing
- Always Have a Safeword
Clamps and suction cups for areas such as the nipples, penis and vulva are crafted to squeeze or compress the desired areas. They represent an exploration into the realm of sensory play and can be a way of testing your sensitivity and building on intensity.
- Start Slow: Like any other sex toy, it’s important to start slow, especially if you’re new to pumps and clamps.
- Use Lubricant: A little lubricant can help create a better seal for pumps and make the experience more comfortable.
- Apply and Release: Position the pump or clamps on the area you want to stimulate. Release after a few moments and repeat until you find a comfortable level that suits you.
- Listen to Your Body: Never continue if you feel pain or extreme discomfort.
Embarking on a journey into sex toys and BDSM as a beginner can be both exhilarating and transformative. But most importantly, overcoming common myths and misconceptions surrounding toys and BDSM is crucial for a positive and consensual experience. Whether it's using beginner-friendly bondage kits, experimenting with sensory tools, or exploring power dynamics, incorporating toys into the experience can deepen connections and enhance mutual satisfaction. Remember, communication and trust are the cornerstones of any BDSM exploration, paving the way for a fulfilling and enjoyable journey into the world of pleasure and kink.
Are you a sex toy enthusiast or do you stick to good old body parts? Let us know in the forum!
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