Toxic Masculinity

In our ever-evolving society, we have developed a more nuanced perspective through which we view the world around us. This perspective allows us to recognize and challenge structures that perpetuate inequality and negativity. Among the concepts that have gained considerable attention in recent years is the notion of "toxic masculinity". However, despite its growing prominence, many individuals still struggle to differentiate between toxic masculinity and just plain old masculinity. This lack of understanding often leads to confusion and resistance. To gain a clearer understanding, let's delve into this topic step by step.

By Mika

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Mika has been living a life of kink for four years based in Nottingham, UK. She is a professional Dominatrix and runs The Unseen Lounge with her partner - community based swing events and female only kink events in and around Nottingham and Derby. She is a keen rope enthusiast and rigger from rope bondage through to rope suspensions. Mika loves contributing to the ever growing kink community.

Masculinity: The Traditional Outlook

Traditionally, masculinity has been synonymous with characteristics like strength, bravery, independence, and assertiveness. It's an identity that many men (and some women) associate with, either consciously or subconsciously. It's the "be a man" admonishment heard on playgrounds and echoed in numerous societal constructs. In essence, it is the perceived attributes associated with being a man.

There's nothing inherently wrong or harmful about masculinity in itself. In many cases, it embodies qualities that are beneficial and admirable. However, like anything, when exaggerated or taken to an extreme, it can lead to toxic behaviours.

Toxic Masculinity: The Dangerous Extreme

Toxic masculinity refers to a distorted version of masculinity, one that encourages domination, aggression, emotional repression, and discourages empathy. It’s a narrow and repressive description of manhood that not only hurts men but also impacts society at large. It's not about demonising men or masculinity, but rather identifying the harmful behaviours that can arise from an unhealthy portrayal of what it means to be a man.

Toxic masculinity suggests that men should suppress their emotions, value violence as a means to solve problems, and exert control in relationships. It can lead to physical and psychological harm, not only to men themselves but to those around them as well.

These are some core aspects of toxic masculinity:

suppressing emotions
embracing violence as a solution
seeking dominance and control in relationships
homophobia and misogyny
risk-taking behaviour
pressure to conform
unhealthy coping mechanisms (e.g. alcohol or substance abuse)
overly competitive behaviour
excessive focus on muscularity

The Confusion: Misinterpreting the 'Toxic'

The term "toxic masculinity" has sparked resistance and misunderstanding, mainly due to the ambiguity of the 'toxic' component. A common misconception is that the term criticises all aspects of masculinity or male behaviour, implying that all men are 'toxic'. This misunderstanding is where the controversy arises.

The term isn't meant to imply that being a man, or having masculine traits, is toxic. Rather, it is the toxic behaviours often linked to some of these traits that are the issue. It's crucial to separate the person from the behaviour, and understand that not all masculine traits or individuals expressing them are harmful or toxic.

Why It Matters: The Impact of Toxic Masculinity

The misunderstandings surrounding toxic masculinity can have serious implications. From inhibiting emotional openness and well-being among men, to contributing to harmful behaviours, such as violence and sexual harassment, the impacts of toxic masculinity are far-reaching. Acknowledging and understanding these harmful elements is a crucial step towards positive change.

Did you know that..

tw suicide*

...all around the world, men's suicide rate is excessively higher than women's? In the UK, almost three quarters of suicides (74%) involve men. This has different reasons, of course. As men tend to use more lethal methods (e.g. hanging or firearms), an attempt is more likely to be succesful than others.

But toxic masculinity plays an important role in explaining why men kill themselves. As it is deemed "unmanly" to talk about your feelings, cry or seek out help, feelings are often repressed instead. Of course, this doesn't make them go away, but pile up, which in turn makes the person feel frustrated with themselves, hopeless that things could ever change for them or get better.

One of the more acceptable emotions in men is anger. Unreflected, this can be a very harmful reaction to oneself and others, often leading to violent behaviour and escalating situations instead of making things better.

An Invitation to Understand

While the term 'toxic masculinity' might be challenging and even contentious, it invites us to understand and dissect the expectations of masculinity that harm both men and society. Men are not inherently toxic, nor is masculinity in itself a problem. It's when these attributes are taken to a harmful extreme, when they're allowed to enforce destructive behaviours and limit individual growth, that they become an issue.

By understanding this distinction, we can create an environment where everyone - regardless of gender - feels secure and empowered to express themselves without the pressure of harmful societal norms. It's not about dismantling masculinity but rather challenging and transforming the toxic elements that can accompany it.

We want to hear from you! Share your experiences and perspectives on masculinity and toxic masculinity. Do you see toxic masculinity as a problem in your life or in people around you? Let us know in the forum!