Suddenly everything is supposed to be sex positive. Parties, people, feelings. But what lies behind the term? When can something be considered sex positive? And why is the term important? An exploration.
By Alex Todorov
What does "sex positive" mean?
Being sex positive is an attitude. What are its pillars?
1. Awareness ♥
You reflect upon your sexuality and are aware that a fulfilled sexuality has a positive impact on your attitude towards life. Fun in bed (or wherever you want to have sex) and exchanging yourself about sexuality means fun in life, too.
Plus: You are willing to question what you think you know about sex. Over and over again. A sex positive awareness therefore means: you never stop learning.
2. Mindfulness ♥
Mindfulness means letting go, living in the moment, letting it sink in. This unprejudiced and open perception makes it possible to break out of thought and evaluation patterns. Especially in the sexual context.
3. Openness ♥
You are ready to expand your understanding of beauty and sexiness, are open to other body types, practices, kinks. What this doesn't mean: that you have to act strictly against your previous inclinations. It's about a curiosity towards new sexual territory, which occasionally means leaving your comfort zone.
4. Knowledge ♥
Sounds obvious, but it's not: if you want to explore your own sexuality, you should have basic sex education - from safe sex and kinks to gender. Plus: You know yourself and your body - and your current limits. The more you know about yourself and your sexuality, the higher the fun potential.
5. Positivity ♥
Sexuality is good: know that and live by it! Being sex positive does not only show in explicit sexual situations, but is a basic attitude towards people.
6. Consent ♥
Basis of all encounters: Consent. As always and everywhere in life, one thing should apply: Everything happens consensually. When at least two people are doing a thing, it's important that both of them want it - and that they do it as equals.
Over this century, various interactions took place, and today's meaning of the word bundles core aspects of different movements and currents: for example, from the world of tantra, from pleasure-encouraging feminism or from the queer and kinky kosms.
Sex positivity is not a combat term. Or is it?
A sex positive attitude must never become dogma. Sex positivity does not condemn or demonise conventional lifestyles. The heart of it: advocating for a positive, consent-based sexuality without attacking varieties and lifestyles that go beyond or are narrower than one's own.
What must never happen:understanding the word in a patronising way. Equating sex positivity with "you must". A sex positive attitude towards life does not mean saying "yes" all the time. A clear "no", a "I'm not into that" can be just as sex positive, as long as a mentally open process has led to this "no".
It's not about discovering your kink by hook or crook - being heterosexual and liking vanilla sex is not a crime - rather it's about exploring your limits according to your own rules.
Sex positivity is driven by an explicitly liberal idea: if you don't defend others’ inclinations, your own may be targeted at some point. By defending the other, you defend your own freedom. You are not only defending what you think is good, but liberty itself.
Sex positivity as an attack?
The often proclaimed fear that sex positivity strives to abolish gender and aims at an all-encompassing egalitarianism is unjustified.
But: the sex positive movement knows that a heteronormative culture marginalises or even criminalises numerous minorities and communities. Heteronormativity means binarity, means "man, woman, done", means unquestioned gender and body images.
The sex positive agenda is to break down encrusted thought patterns and structures, to show new options. Whether you use them or not is not up for judgement.
Sex positivity doesn't take anything away from anyone. There are still men and women who live in classic gender roles. Sex positivity is a plea to fill these roles consciously and individually, to see through traditional gender templates and booty schemes. And to open up a space for people who do not find themselves in binary categories.
Why is the term "sex positive" important?
"I just am, I don't need a term for it," is regularly heard in exchanges about the word "sex positive." A retort, however, that has never been made in relation to an adjective like "hungry". An evaluation that is also frequently made: empty buzzword.
Perhaps it helps to understand terms as tools that point to a problem - and thus also pave the way for a solution. The problem can be hunger. Or intolerance. Ignorance. Shame. Discomfort. A lack of relationship with one's own body. A conflict with one's sexual identity. A sexuality that lies fallow. Or a desire that is opposed by a perceived you-may-not.
Sex positivity simply counters this conflict between inside and outside: don't see your sexuality as a niche in life. But as a supporting pillar of your well-being. As an "I fuck, therefore I am". It doesn't even have to be fucking, the types of play are so diverse, reaching far beyond the spectrum between talking, cuddling and fisting.
That's why the term exists. Because language creates options and shapes actions.
Sex positivity requires courage and curiosity
Courage to leave a well-trodden path. At the risk of sometimes entering a path that you may want to leave again fast. To think of new options, to test new practices, concepts or forms of relationships.
Ultimately, sex positivity can be boiled down to a truism: Everything that you push away, that you don't give expression to, that you ultimately don't live out, eats away at your quality of life in the long run. So much discomfort has to do with our cravings, our desires, all the unexpressed. The rule is: You like it, there is consent, eye level and legality? Then live your desire!
The sex positive pillars of JOYclub
Events
JOYclub has played a decisive role in shaping the frivolous party scene in Germany, and is now up and coming in the UK. You can find the right event near you - from dance to swinger to BDSM party - in our party calendar.
Dates
Want to try something new, looking for a friendship with benefits, a club escort, a BDSM date or a couple for a threesome? Browse through our dates or post one yourself.
Magazine
Our magazine illuminates sexuality in all facets: from educational video tutorials on sensual pegging to the true meaning of tantra, tips for your first sex party and deeper insights into practices like squirting - the JOYclub magazine wants to make your sex life better. Will you let it?
Forum
You have questions or suggestions of intimate nature? Exchanges, discussions and suggestions on erotic, sensual and sexual topics of all kinds can be found in the forum. Anything from relationships to fetishes to swingers and erotic art is discussed there. What’s on your mind?
Groups
There are countless groups in JOYclub where people who share desires exchange themselves and get to know each other - from pet play to curvy and beautiful up to cunnilingus.
Note: So far, the bigger groups are the German ones. But people will welcome you there, too, maybe not with perfect English though. Or you can help the UK community grow by creating your own groups and inviting people to join the discussions.
JOYCE – the app
JOYclub is also available for your pocket: With our app JOYCE you can easily maintain your contacts (and fantasies) and find people from JOY near you via the LIVE radar.
JOYclub: What is that?
- With over 5 million members, JOYclub is a lively, sex-positive community that will turn your love life completely upside down.
- Whether you're male, female, trans, single or a couple, JOYclub is the place to discover and live out your erotic fantasies with other members (with your partner, if you like).
- Curious? Then register for free and without obligation and discover the fascinating JOYclub world. We are looking forward to meeting you!
