Nobody wants to make unnecessary mistakes on a first date. Bad breath, sweat stains or endless stories about your ex are all part of that. But what about sex on a first date - yay or nay? How advisable is it to shag rather than chat when you hardly know each other?
Author: Kolja Alexander Bonke
Sex on the first date? A look at men's and women's magazines
Books and magazines seem to answer this question very differently - depending on whether they are aimed at male or female readers. While dating guides for men like to give tips on how to seduce the female counterpart as quickly as possible, women's magazines tend to advise their readers not to give in too quickly on a first date. Pure cliché! I say: it's all garbage. The same applies to women and men. You just have to differentiate between two types of dates.
Two different types of dates
The pure sex date
The first date category is the pure sex date. Strictly speaking, rather dirty than pure. For example when you're online dating and you immediately meet in a private setting, it's pretty clear from the start. Both go all out, it's all about sex. Normally, such dates turn into friends with benefits at most or an affair.
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The get-to-know-you date
The second type of date is more about getting to know each other and conversation - after all, it could turn into something more. You see each other as potential partner material and can't rule anything out from the outset, not even a committed relationship. In the following, we will only deal with this type of first date.
Advantages of having sex on the first date
The first benefit of sex on a first date is sex. After all, sex is the most beautiful secondary matter in the world, isn't it? And according to various studies, most singles give it far too little attention.
The second advantage of getting it on quickly is that you get to know each other sexually right away. If the other person is bad in bed, it's a good idea not to wait until the wedding night to find out.
Besides, don't we all keep hearing from life coaches and philosophers that we should live in the moment? And that people on their deathbed almost never regret the things they did, but rather the things they didn't do? So what's wrong with living in the now, savoring sexual tension to the fullest and coming upstairs for a quick "coffee" - first date or not!
Disadvantages of sex on the first date
So: Sex on the first date is not necessarily bad. But it does harbor dangers. Let's look at the woman involved first. She had a great date with a great guy who might be suitable for more than just sex. Unfortunately, that's exactly where she ended up with him after a few hours. The next day, her feeling may be comparable to the so-called "buyer's remorse"which we are all familiar with: you get carried away on a whim and buy something that later turns out to be unnecessary or too expensive.
The woman is suddenly dissatisfied with how the date went, can't justify her own behavior to herself or others and may end up not daring to meet up a second time. She might also be worried that the guy got a strange impression of her. Or was it just a one-night stand for him anyway?
Now to the male party. The date went almost a little too well, the sparks flew and shortly afterwards the clothes. The next day, it can actually happen that a man doubt the positive qualities of the woman. In hindsight, people value things more that they had to work hard to get. Things that are easy to achieve are seen as less valuable. Dragging the woman from yesterday into bed was obviously not particularly difficult - is she perhaps even the kind of woman who is easy to have? Fidelity in a monogamous relationship - is she even capable of it?
For both men and women, the act itself can fail because you don't know each other well enough or because you've had too much alcohol is involved. This is another danger that you expose yourself to by having sex on a first date. If you have already gotten to know each other better, a flop in bed is of course not impossible, but less likely.
Whether we like it or not, for many of us sex is not just about the physical, but also the emotional. Quick sex can lead to great disappointment if different expectationsexpectations, desires and plans and you go your separate ways afterwards. You should therefore always ask yourself before having sex whether you could live with it if it remains a one-off and you never see the other person again afterwards.
Conclusion: Sex on a first date - yes or no?
Whatever you like is allowed - of course, this applies equally to men and women. When both are overcome and, with the best will in the world, neither can hold back: Go for the bacon! But if your cerebrum still has a little say, it's better to take it slowly and take things slowly and don't force things - at least if you're interested in a relationship that goes beyond the edge of the bed.
Because, as mentioned above, sex on the first date involves a number of risks. This is also why only around ten percent of all first dates result in carnal pleasure, if surveys are to be believed. Of course, it can't be ruled out that things will still end up in a committed relationship, but quick sex certainly doesn't make this any more likely. As always, exceptions prove the rule!
No sex on the first date, on the other hand, is not dangerous at all. On the contrary: the tension is increasedthe chance of romantic moments is much greater and nobody gets any ideas afterwards. If you take a little more time with the chatter, both parties benefit: women usually become even more desirable to men and more patient men stand out from the ever-ready and always horny competition. As grandma used to say: Anticipation is the greatest joy.
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