My discovery of shibari has both coincided with and run completely parallel to my exploration of fetish and BDSM scenes. Around 2011, I started posing for photos, though I was far from being able to call myself a model. It was in this context that I was contacted by someone who would later become a friend and my main "rigger." Together, we embarked on a journey through this world, learning and growing together.
By Melainya
Melainya is a French artist and performer who graces both the Lyon and international scenes. She began her artistic journey with photography and has explored various realms, including Shibari (Japanese bondage), fetishism, BDSM, and gothic culture. Over the years, she has diversified her activities, incorporating performance art and filming for extreme metal bands. A regular on the underground scene, she frequently presents shows at techno parties, private events, and music festivals. For the past two years, she has also co-organized latex fetish parties in her beloved city.
My discovery of Shibari
As a young photo model just stepping into the BDSM world, I received an online message from a photographer proposing a shibari session. I had vaguely heard of this practice, which was quite niche at the time. Being curious and eager to explore, I agreed, seeing it as an opportunity to try something new.
I went for the shoot, feeling nervous. Although I was used to meeting new people for shoots, the idea of being tied and suspended by a stranger (whose work I had thoroughly checked out) was unsettling. After taking some precautions, I decided to go through with it. After some discussion, I started the session with someone who quickly proved to be very friendly and amusing.
Wanting to complete the session in the best way possible, I told myself that I had to withstand the pain/discomfort of the ropes, etc. Furthermore, I did not know this man, and the sensation was also very new, which left me both expectant and in control. However, beyond the challenge that satisfied me, I found the feelings pleasant and enjoyable, and we took the time to talk extensively until we decided to meet again to try more. We saw each other a few times sporadically, lost touch, and reconnected in 2016 when I discovered the community had grown significantly.
It was at an underground event, where I was asked to be a model for a performance with a famous and charming Italian rigger, that I seriously resumed this discipline, meeting members of Lyonnais associations: I was amazed! The discipline had become well-known enough to form associations. Enjoying a bit of notoriety following this evening, I became a model for numerous riggers from various places, and within a few years, I worked with many well-known French and international figures.
What shibari brings me: letting go.
It was during this relatively short period that I acquired most of my level, knowledge, and experience in this art. At that time, I absorbed a lot from the different approaches, techniques, and orientations unique to each rigger.
Until then, I had always been considered a "good model," regarded as enduring and "beautiful" in the ropes, but I had few sensations, more with some than with others, but it was only over time, working more regularly with trusted individuals, that I was able to discover something else.
I saw during other performances, courses, or workshops, models experiencing intense emotions, crying, and reacting strongly to a single rope being placed. Not having intimate or romantic relationships with my riggers, it didn't make sense to me until I opened the door and had the revelation.
Generally, I have a controlling personality and like to be the master of my body and mind, but to enjoy the ropes and their effects, one must seek the opposite. That is probably why I needed it more than others, and it was my first real lesson: to accept to rely on the other, to accept the decisions and risks they take for both of us, to feel the rope against oneself and, instead of fighting it, to embrace it and let go.
An initiatory experience
Sometimes it's painful, sometimes challenging, sometimes humiliating, but by accessing these strong emotions and surrendering, I discovered subspace. This state is not exclusive to shibari; it is an experience many enthusiasts of "extreme" practices can describe: a bubble outside time and space where nothing else exists but the moment, a raw sensation, and fullness. A deeper state of consciousness where one discovers another part of oneself.
I always wondered if this was the feeling one experiences in a survival situation: entering a particular, almost hypnotic state within oneself, where instinct takes over. In a very intense rope session, it seems to me that it's the same thing; you have to find inner resources when you feel cornered, knowing there is no escape, no way to free yourself, and completely at the mercy of the other.
What I describe here may seem extreme to non-practitioners, but I must specify that not all rope styles lead to this; it's simply where my personal path has led me. Over time, I discovered that what I liked to experience fell under the "Naka" style, a more traditional practice close to martial art, which gradually evolved into erotic practice under the name Kinbaku. There is an important notion of torment and even objectification, where the model can also be a pretext for the rope, staged for photos in a Japanese aesthetic.
For a long time, with the friend and rigger with whom I traveled this journey, our practice remained classic and photographic, gradually moving towards real sessions, sensation, psychological play, and technique to realize that our expectations were aligned.
A timeless moment.
Today, it’s almost an anchoring: the rope touches my skin, and something inside me releases; immediately, a feeling of peace and letting go sets in. I’m somewhere, mentally navigating, forgetting the students if I’m in class, or the audience during a performance. They are, in a sense, only present to accompany my fantasy.
Everyone, of course, finds their need and way to experience it. Personally, I don't feel the same in an SM session and in ropes: there is a constraint, an inability to move, a restriction of breath that makes me feel truly vulnerable and allows me to open my mind and tell myself a story to get through the physical and mental trials of the session and give meaning to what I’m experiencing.
Interested in shibari? Join the UK Shibari Group!
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